The jeans are defeated!!

So today I have managed to lose 1kg which puts me back to where I started in March.  A flat line month, but nevertheless I'm still continuing to lose an average of 0.5kg per week.  Just need to keep it on track now.  I am amazed, it has to be said, that I managed to lose anything this week at all!!

I have also managed to fit into my target jeans.  I bought these when I was last at my slimmest, back in 2006.  I have always kept them because once I'd got out of them I told myself that one day I'd get back into them.  I'm currenly sat comfortably in them, so I'm a happy bunny today!  All this hard work is paying off finally.  Here is the proof!!!

We are having a lazy-ish day today.  Mowing the lawn / dog poo-picking and washing should be our only chores.  We also have to walk up to Pets At Home to get various pet related requirements (food / toys) and then I believe our afternoon  will consist of the Leeds match and relaxing.  I will have time to get my Kindle out and ACTUALLY have some down time.  Oh God, I just can't wait!!  In the evening we're going to walk to a local curry house that we discovered whilst driving around trying to find a petrol station that had some fuel.  If it's a good curry house, it will be a real find.  It's the one thing that we think that we really miss around here.  We have East for booze, Via Verde and Salvos for Italian, two really good Thai restaurants, but no decent curry house.  Fingers crossed!!

I've been running a lot with Matt recently, and it has been to our benefit.  Road running in decent weather I think is preferable to the gym, but it seems to have caused an issue with my left hip (I am still heavy, and run fairly flat footed and with my cusomary strange gait) which I am now waiting to calm down.  I will continue at the gym as the treadmills are cushioned, but I hope it's not a future problem.  Just as I start to actually enjoy it.... lol!!

The most exciting thing that happened this week is that we booked our holiday to Mexico.  I have been thinking about this for ages now, ever since we started to look at Caribbean holidays.  In my mind, it is my 30th birthday present to myself and I didnt want my birthday to pass without doing something for myself.  I know that sounds selfish, but I've rarely really celebrated my birthday in the way that I've wanted to.  It will be between Matt and my birthday, so it will be just as much for his 30th as mine, but I think we'll have a great time... here is a teaser of the hotel....

Last thing then, I promised a picture of my horse riding treat once I had managed to get a hold of it, and now I have so here it is.  This is taken at the end of the ride, and I think you can see the genuine thrill in my face.  Liz's horse is HUGE as well, we hadnt really realised how much bigger she was than Moss.  I had such an ace time, and all I can think about is when I can go back.  Start to save up!

G out x

Good doggies!!!

A miracle has happened.  I thought that I'd share.

I came home from work today, on my own.  When I come home on my own, and this is without fail, the dogs have ALWAYS destroyed something of mine, or left poop for me to clean up.

Today, two smiley doggies were at the door, wagging their tails frantically.  We played in the garden a bit, and then I went in to face the music.  Downstairs.... nothing wrong.  Upstairs.....nothing wrong!!!!
HALLELUJAH!!!!!!

I have just been out to Sainsburys and to my weekly shop, I added some doggy bones for them.  They are currently happily munching away in bed!

So....  Matt's birthday went really well, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and Matt certainly did which was the most important thing.  We had some lunch (including a giant pie, and giant calzones too) and then headed out to the beer festival.  The Bardsey Beer festival was good fun again this year, with two bands on show, 29 beers, and several ciders.  The setting was sunny and warm, and it was a real giggle.  We went out to East of Arcadia in the evening for a meal all together, which, for a change, was absolutely delicious!

I think that these are the photos that sum the day up the best!

It dawned on me that for Matt's birthday last year, I met all of Matt's friends (at once....scary!!) and that it's really only a year that I've had this life.  It seems SO much longer.  Made me realised how settled I actually feel!

Matt is away tonight, so I get to watch Supersize vs Super Skinny, and then Big Fat Gypsy Wedding without complaints.  But I do miss my Matty lots and I wish he was here with me!

G out x

Recipe for sharing...

Now this is a naughty recipe, but I discovered it this afternoon and I thought it was WELL worth sharing....

Bourbon Pecan Brownies

Makes about 16 squares or bars...

200g dark chocolate
125g butter
2 eggs
125g light brown sugar
100g caster sugar
75ml bourbon whiskey
2tsps vanilla extract
175g plain flour
1 tbsp cocoa
125g pecan nuts, roughly chopped.

Heat the overn to 190c / gas 5 and line a 20cm square cake tine with foil.  Melt the chocolate with the butter in a saucepan and leave somewhere warm on the work surface.

Beat the eggs with botht he sugars until the sugar has almost dissolved and mixture turns creamy and a light beige colour.  Next, beat in the chocolate mixture.

Finally, beat in the chopped pecans.  Scrape this into the tin and bake for 25 minutes or until a poke with a toothpick through the sugary crust comes out barely clean, as the hot chocolate will cook on for at least 5 minutes after you've taken it out of the oven.

Recipe verdict: 9/10 ... "About the best brownie I've ever had, I'd say" - Matthew Smail, 21/3/2012.

Weight watchers point per slice - 9
leave to cool then cut into squares or bars with a sharp knife.

Woah there, noddy!

It's the morning after the day before!  Not involving alcohol (actually, it did, a half pint)... but it was finally my horse riding treat yesterday.

When I got up in the morning I felt really, really nervous and there were a few tears, but once Liz arrived at 12 and we were in the car the nerves started to go.  I think it was the infectious excitement from Liz.  Yvonne, who we were riding with (owns a stables) has ridden for years and is an old friend of Liz... they've not seen each other in over 20 years!

We got to the yard, signed a bunch of disclaimer forms and went off to stroke the horses.  I think having ten or fifteen minutes just around very steady horses and petting them started to put me at ease.  The yard was very much like the old riding school I learnt at, all the same sights and smells with the same friendly, enthusiastic people.

My pony (read horse) was bought out - he was pretty large, although not as big as Liz's horse.  He was called Moss and was to be my trusty steed for the hour hack.  I might add, at this point, that it was beautifully sunny, with a slight wind.  The stables was up high and overlooking the countryside between Harrogate and Leeds.  Stunning!

I managed to get on the horse without too much trouble, had the girth tightened, and did my own stirrup lengths (mistake, I was a notch too short but I managed!)

I think because Yvonne is a no nonsense woman, I was immediately at ease.  There was no time for nerves, we set off and within 10 minutes I was trotting.  My knees complained immediately, but it's amazing how quickly you remember all the leg / hand instructions.  On the main road for only 5 minutes, we were passed by a tractor.... normally a major issue for horses, but Moss was as steady as you like.  A bomb proof horse.  I immediately relaxed and the rest of the ride was a dream.  In and out of lanes, up and down hills.  Then Yvonne shouted from the front, as we got to a nice soft grounded climb up a hill, "Up for a canter?!"  ... "No" shouts Liz behind her... "YES!!!" I shout from behind Liz.... and off we went.  We had a brief stop half way up the hill and then back in to canter.  I gripped on to my novice strap around the horses neck, just for safety... but it felt total normal, easier than trot.  As we slowed back into a trot I told myself if we cantered again I'd sit down and push on like I used to.

A little more hacking, and then into an open, green field..... we all knew it was coming.  We lined up, sat down deep, and took off at a good canter.  I let didnt hold on to the strap.  I had my balance.  All of the joy of riding came rushing back to me, with none of the fear.  Moss was steady but quick!  He gave more to catch up as the two bigger horses left him a little.  As we got to the end of the field and slowed, I gave him a few big pats.

We walked / trotted the rest of the way home, chattering happily.  It's the first time I've had the joy of riding back, I've ridden a total of twice in the years since my last accident, and both times I was really nervous.  Once in South Africa, and once again in Doncaster.  This time it feels like I'd happily do it again.  And I think that Liz and I will make it a good few times a year together.  Liz had a great time too, and both of us can move this morning which is great.  Last time, in Doncaster, I couldn't walk for a week.  Because I've been to the gym lots and am a good deal fitter, I was much more ready to ride.

Once we were off the horses (after a picture was taken, which I will share once I get hold of it) we decided to all go to the pub (hence the half pint) - Yvonne said something which was probably throw away for her, but was nice for me - she could tell that I'd ridden in the past.  So I haven't forgotten everything.  I let the ladies catch up over what turned out to be 3 pints, and then escorted them home.

The most fun that I've had in ages, so a big thank you to Matt who paid for both of us to go as my weight loss treat and for the pints, as it turned out!!

I am off to get some bits for Matt's birthday on Friday now.  A happy bunny.

G out x

I can't get no.... *Ba ba baaaa*.... BURGER KING

The lack of immediate blog post weigh-in on Saturday was mostly down to the fact that, for the first time since I started my weight loss challenge in January, I put weight on last week (0.9kg)

I actually surprised myself with just how disappointed I was with that knowledge, but I wasn't surprised with my reaction to it.  It's a reaction that I know well, and for years has been a big part of the problem with my unhealthy relationship with food.  When I gain weight, my self esteem goes through the floor, and all I can think to do is comfort eat.  In my brain, in my world, everything HAS to be positive for it to work.  But it has to be positive in a certain way.  I'll give you some examples.  Same scenario, different spins....

So, imagine this as your scenario.  I am running on a tread mill.  I've run 2k so far, and I'm starting to hit my physical tiredness.  I'm at the gym with a friend, who sees that I'm struggling and says "Come on! You can run further than this!" in a bid to spur me on. 

That's me done.  Toys out of pram.  Off the treadmill, into the changing rooms and home.  Why?  Because the insinuation was that I am not reaching my potential.  Because they suggested that I'm not trying my hardest.  And I always turn up to everything like that.  It always has 100% of my available effort.  I immediately switch off if I don't succeed.  Basically, I'm a really really bad loser.

OK so back to the scenario.  This time the friend says "Wow you're doing really well!  Do you need to stop?  We can go if you like?" 

That's me on the treadmill for another 30 minutes.  Why?  Because my friend gave me the choice to continue or to go home, and reminded me that I'm doing well.  I'm encouraged and spurred on as a result.  I'm doing well!  Hey, I reckon I can do better than this.... if I go for another 30 minutes, think how much better I'll have done then!

I don't love exercise.  I love the feeling that I get after it, but it's not something that I relish doing.  It's a way for me to be able to eat more food whilst continuing to lose weight (HA!)  So imagine that reaction about ten fold, when you apply it to food, which is something that I really DO love!

When I get on the scales, and I've gained 0.9kg, if I get told that it's because I only went 2 out of 3 times to the gym but it's OK because I've done well, and think of all the weight loss I've managed, put it into perspective and try harder next week? 

KABOOOOOM!!!  Mental implosion.  Tears.  My brain fixes on the one thing that was negative.  That I didn't go to the gym enough.  I didn't try hard enough.  It was my failing.

Now imagine being poor, kind, loving Matthew.  Who just so happened to actually deliver the last line.
Poor soul.

At this point, as I repeatedly strop and think very seriously about immersing myself in a bath of McDonalds special sauce, while simultaneously ramming Big King burgers down my throat and drinking full ice-cream milkshakes, I realised that I've not beaten my demons.  And I don't think that I ever will.  I will NEVER be able to look at a bar of chocolate and see something I can have a little of.  I have a problem with controlling myself around food.  And the only reason why I have managed to maintain the success I have over the past few months, is because it has been just that.  Continued success.

This is the hardest part then.  When I have to rally, and make that success happen again.  I have had a bad weekend.  I have sulked, and eaten too much in a bid to steady my slightly injured soul.  But now I have to start again.  Forgive myself, and move forward.

I want to acknowledge the support of Matt and of my friends, predominantly on facebook, who were lovely and kind, and supportive just when I really did need it.  I know that this may seem melodramatic, but it feels like I'm on a battlefield and it's a war that I can only win with support.  I really want to win too. 

I would blog about the rest of my weekend, but it involved train spotting.  In an anorak.  So here are the photos.

G out x

An unlikely chance

I have neglected blogging the last month.  Not through any deliberate act, but through a complete lack of useful time.

So a quick update.... My parents visited Matt and I here in Leeds, which was cool.  We had them here for two nights, and managed to pack in some DIY (stopped the dogs from entering the upstairs rooms finally), a shopping trip, a visit to Kirkstall abbey, a drive out in Matt's car, and dinner at Salvo's in Leeds (very nice, but lots of naughty food and booze...) with Matt's mum too.

By the time Monday came around, I couldn't manage the gym, I was way too tired.  I managed to go on Wednesday, and Matt and I went for a run tonight up to Headingly and back.

As a result of our Salvo's visit, I started the week VERY much heavier than my weigh in result, and I don't think I will have lost any weight tomorrow.  In fact, I am sure that I will have gained.  But if it's only one week in 12, I will forgive myself.  I just won't have a treat night tomorrow night.

We are off to go on a steam train tomorrow, up to Howarth, which I am excited about.  There are real ale pubs along the route, which Matt is excited about.  It's what's known as a "win-win" situation.

I only have to go in to work for a half day on Monday, and then I have the rest of the week off.  My goodness I am looking forward to it!!! 

Matt is currently playing card games with an overly familiar American chap online.  I'm trying to decide if I should (a) watch the game and listen to them chatting, (b) repeatedly poke myself in the eye with a needle, or (c) go to bed.

G out x

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us

Gandalf was a very wise character.  He seemed to have ample time to save the worlds and bring about the restoration of peace and the demise of Sauron with his band of friends.  But then, he had a giant eagle to give him lifts at his whim, and a beautiful white pony that he could call with ease and which ran with the wind.  I have a fiesta.  And no eagle.

So this week has been a long one.  I feel that I have been quiet, but that's mostly because I've spent all my waking hours up and moving, and not enough hours sleeping.  Last weekend was busy, and included illness, so by Monday I was worn out.  Add to that a week of sickness at work (not by me, by others but I have to cover) and my body still recovering, and two gym sessions, and two sparring sessions, and you have a VERY worn out G. 

My lovely, incredible, generally extremely thoughtful (most of the time) boyfriend went out this morning and did all the chores required and left me sleeping.  Oh my lord, I really needed it.  Which is why I do not begrudge him his time playing Battlefield 3 right now.  He has earnt it.  I even went out and bought him a little pie treat to say thank you - well, it is our treat day.  I had a Cadbury Creme Egg.  Nom nom nom!!

I lost a total of 1.4kg this week, which is one of my strongest losses.  I suspect possibly because I've been constantly moving but also because I've been poorly.  But the great news is that it pushes me over my 10% body weight target (half way point) so I'm thrilled!!  I'm now over half way in my weight loss challenge to myself, and have the sum total of 8.5kg left to lose before September.  I am now convinced that I will be able to achieve it.  I am starting to imagine what that day will feel like.  And also to have a look around for pretty dresses that Matty can buy for me as my treat.  Matt put in another strong performance this week, considering he was also ill last week.

We have friends over tonight for treat night and will be off to Sukathai once more, love that place!!  Tomorrow I intend to bake a sneaky cake and then get other people to eat it.  Then just one more week until my parents come for the weekend - yey!!  In fact, it's only two more weeks until I have a week off holiday.  I'd wish it here sooner but we have so much excitement between now and then that I daren't!!

Back to the original theme, though, of this particular entry in my blog.  I know that this is life, when your work is never done.  I know that we have made good steps this week to sort the house out and, for once, it is clean and tidy before the weekend.  I did a monumental amount of washing during the week to get on top of the serious backlog that had built up.  But I just cannot help but think we are actually a little TOO busy for my liking.  I think I am going to start to reserve a few weekends for just "nothing" - just to relax at home and catch up with hobbies etc.  Either that, or I'm going to employ a magical giant eagle and a king of ponies.

To be fair, the latter DOES sound quite exciting.  I wonder if they sell them on Amazon....

G out x